Enliven Daily

As many of you know, youth sports is my passion and for the past few years have been fortunate to be able to spend dozens of hours each week working with kids and programs.  This past football season has been storybook for the team I coached.  I know there are causes everywhere that need help and money and I do my share financially and with my time.  Some may feel that money could be used for other efforts than sending kids to Florida to play football and I can respect that.  But let me tell you about these 34 kids that I had the honor to coach this past season who have earned the privilege to play for a National Championship in Florida and some need help getting there.

This 4^th Grade team started with 34 kids back on August 2^nd and all 34 are still with us.  Not many youth football teams, especially the younger ones have that percentage.  There were kids the first week that were pertrified of what tackle football would bring who are now delivering hits and getting right up after getting them.  There are no egos on this team despite some of the most talented and athletic kids I have ever coached.  Only 11 kids can be on the field at one time yet there has never been a complaint from the child or parents.  These boys genuinely and I mean genuinely support each other in all they do and that is rare in youth sports where kids and their parents are more consumed with their own playing time than the team goals.  Our goal was first a State Championship and we asked the boys to trust us and follow us.  They did.  The next goal was a New England Championship and again we asked for their trust, especially when faced with a dogfight and man did they respond.

We all know these are tough economic times and I also question if a Disney trip to play football in December is the right move.  After much thought, I am 100% certain this is something to celebrate as these kids have worked tirelessly and more importantly with respect for the game, program, teammates and opponents that should be a model for all sports teams young and old to follow.  We have many families that need help and if you are able to contribute through one of the links below, it is greatly appreciated.  One is a straight donation with a chance for Boston Bruins tickets and the other is via an auction to bid on some various donated items.  Any and all help is greatly appreciated.

I wish you could all spend some time with these boys to see what I tried to articulate above.  This is not a hand-picked all star team of 17 or 18 kids.  We started with 34 and we are going after a National Championship with 34.  Win or lose, it’s the experience and memories that I will always cherish with this group and the life lessons we all learned along the way.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving, thank you and God Bless.

 http://www.firstgiving.com/razorbacks

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“Sports do not build character, they reveal it.”

As you may have read in the last entry (scroll down), this past weekend was youth football championship weekend in our community.  Long story short, my youngest son plays on our 5^th grade team which is the team I coached last year that made it to this same New England championship game and lost (got spanked) to a powerful counterpart from Monroe, Connecticut at the 4^th grade level.  This year I stayed coaching 4^th graders and thus my son played for a different but phenomenal coach, Ron Emrick, who I am proud to call a close friend.  My current 4^th graders had a season to remember going undefeated while scoring a total 270 points and giving up 6 over a ten game period, including playoffs, on their way to a State Championship.  They had to face a strong Madison, Connecticut team who also came in undefeated and like the 5^th graders, we were playing for a chance to represent New England in the AYF National Championships in Orlando, Florida during the first week of December.

The 4^th Grade game was first and it started with a bang.  Madison had the ball first and marched down the field against our stonewall defense but with a first down and goal from our 9 yard line, our boys held and took over on our 3 yard line.  First play for us went 97 yards and we thought we would roll.  We thought wrong as we did not earn a first down for the rest of the half and went into halftime tied 6-6.  Did I mention that we did not tell our 4^th graders that a trip to Florida was at stake (although had parents prepared)?  Nor did we at halftime.  What we did tell them was to remember what we taught them and to prepare for what we thought was coming in the 2^nd half and to continue to fight and support each other while being ready when their unit goes out. 

And were they ever.  Expecting an onside kick to start the half, just as the boys practiced all week, one guy scooped it up and his teammates set up the wall and took it the house for a 12-6 lead just twelve seconds into the 3^rd quarter.  The defense responded and with the ball back again, they pounded another one in, picked off some passes on their way to a 33-6 victory and a celebration like no other.  You can imagine what the reaction was when we told them the season was not over and Florida was next.

Then it was time to watch my son’s team and many of the kids I coached last year and even years before that.  I knew they would be in for a huge battle and it was as they went into halftime trailing 6-0 but knowing they could play with this team.  They too came out after halftime and immediately tied the game and even went up 13-6.  But Monroe came back and took the lead 14-13 as my son and his mates were battered, bruised, dragging and fighting with all they had.  I know what you may be thinking as these are 4^th and 5^th graders but trust me, these kids play with more heart and effort than you will see on TV most Sundays in the NFL.  It was not meant to be as their rally fell short and as happy as the victors were, those that lost this game were heartbroken, including my son who I have never been more proud of based on his effort as he was physically and emotionally drained.  My friend Ron, just as I do for my team wanted this for these kids more than anything and after congratulating them on their effort, I saw one of the most precious things I will never forget for the rest of my life.  After the post-game talk with his team from Coach Ron, my son Tyler came to me with tears in his eyes and tears in mine as I hugged him and told him I loved him and how proud I was of him.  Tyler said he had to go back to Coach Ron and he gave his coach a hug and thanked him for all he did for him this year and they both embraced.  I asked my wife is she said anything to him and she was just as surprised as me - our 11 year-old little man did this all on his own.  It was more heartwarming than probably any win could give, if you can picture that as twisted as it sounds.

1 hour after his loss, Tyler was fine as were his teammates, it’s how kids process things.  I have no idea what lies ahead for my team in Florida as most of these boys have not lost a football game since they joined our organization.  Like Ron, we have tried to teach them that the journey and lessons is what sports is all about despite what the scoreboard reads at the end of a game.  As John Wooden tells us in our opening quote – “Sports do not build character, they reveal it.”

One more thing – a very special Happy Birthday to the best coach and teacher I know, my wife Tracy, who today turned….

“It’s the journey.  It’s the getting there that’s fun.  Cervantes said, ‘The journey is better than the end.’ And I like that. I think that is — it’s getting there. Sometimes when you get there, there’s almost a letdown, but it’s the getting there that’s fun. I liked our practices to be the journey, and the game would be the end … the end result.”

All you have to do is scroll down to see that Enliven Daily became Enliven Hiatus over the past month.  I am not sure why except that after the last entry, each time I thought about writing and entry, it would lean towards being critical of people’s choices.  There was Lebron James, Randy Moss, Brett Favre combined with politicians, teachers and parents all making bad or selfish Choices.  Things were busy for me as youth football season was in full swing with my sons each playing on a different team and me coaching a third.  The season has been phenomenal with more on that below.

What started a few years ago as a vision has come full circle.  (Click Here) for that opening entry from May 2007 where my ideals have remained the same but direction has taken a different path still allowing me to follow my passion to teach and coach.  I reached a few goals from that day as I delivered a commencement address but realized fame and fortune are not needed for my true happiness as I already have so much.  My two boys have just turned 13 and 11 respectively and they make my wife Tracy and I proud every day in all they do, despite their imitation of Cain and Abel now and then as they battle over Xbox or compete in sports.  Speaking of Tracy, she has been by my side every step of the way since I began this journey and supports me once again as I go down a new path. 

My last few years spent working on my own doing training and speaking has been an awesome ride while meeting thousands of  new friends along the way.  Thanks to a special relationship with Karyn Rocheleau and Tandem Training and Consulting, I was able put my skills and passion to work and loved the clients we worked with.  It also reinforced the impact I have on people through teaching, training and having them understand that relationships are the key to success and happiness in all we do.  It also allowed me the flexibility to continue coaching youth sports and volunteering in various town programs at various levels.  It also allowed me to be here most days while my sons went off to school and be here when they got home which I am so grateful to have experienced.

An opportunity recently arose for me to take my passion for teaching and coaching back to a full-time role and based on the people I met, I leaped at it.  I will be serving as a training coordinator for a credit union in Manchester, New Hampshire and start mid-December.  The people and leadership team were great and one of them used the word “family” to describe their culture which solidified it was a place I wanted to be.  As always, time will tell where this next path takes us but I feel great about it.

This new career will also still allow me to coach and stay involved in youth sports where the need is still as great as ever for positive mentors and role models for kids on and off the field.  It seems between the economy and other factors, less and less people have the time or desire to help coach and with less people volunteering, the simple numbers are that you get less qualified coaches.  Kids are thirsty for positive influences in their life, especially outside of their homes and it is critical for teachers and coaches to recognize and embrace this.  This past football season in our organization has been one for the ages as the Pelham-Windham Razorback football program went undefeated at every level and captured 4 New Hampshire State Championships.  As of today, we still have two teams alive, each playing for the New England Championship this weekend.  My son Tyler plays on the 5^th grade team trying to avenge their only loss last year to a tough Connecticut team and I will be coaching our 4^th grade team against another tough Connecticut state champion.  I will write more about this 4^th grade team on Monday.

So here we go in the next chapter of my life and there are so many thanks to be given to people since my first entry 3+ years ago.  I am so blessed for those who have been in my life for many years and all the new people who have come in along the way.  As I have written many times in this space, give me Family, Faith and Friends (along with some Football) and the rest takes care of itself.  I just finished John Wooden’s biography as my oldest son is reading it for school and I highly recommend it and yes, he did give us our opening quote. 

“Teaching civility is an obligation of the family.”

I have not written a lot lately and not entirely sure why.  Life is good, family great and after summer off, although slow, still working.  Kids are back and school and youth football season is in full swing and once again I am coaching a special team of great kids.  This year, for the first time in my 5 years of coaching, I do not have one of my sons on the team as I stayed with the same 4^th Grade team I coached last year.  Although I miss coaching my kids and their friends, I just love coaching and this current group is unbelievable.  It also allows my sons to get out from under my pressure as any parent/coach that says they do not constantly have one eye on their child when they are coaching their team is kidding themselves.  This does not mean they/we are a bad coach or showing favoritism (although sadly there are far too many bad coaches who should not be coaching their own kid or any kids), it is human nature to watch over our children at all times.  Good coaches can balance it but even I was too hard on my own children at times as their coach and realized this was not fair to them.

I sort of went off my title topic of civility and what triggered this entry.  Part of the reason I have not blogged much lately is after over 700 entries, I have covered such a plethora of topics that I worry about repeating.  Another reason is that when I think of an entry, in the end I back off as it is usually about negative behavior or Choices by people. My passion for coaching and teaching has me always reading about students young and old.  Having 12 and 10 year old boys, as I watch them grow into adolescence, I constantly worry about the peer pressure they will face in their lives and the Choices they will be faced with as they enter high school and college.

My wife and I are trying to teach our kids to be good family members, friends, students, teammates and community members.  These days, there is such a lack of civility, especially among young adults; it is truly sad and frustrating.  (Click Here) for the tragic story of a Rutgers student who took his own life because of the Choices made by other students.  The students responsible must live with this guilt for the rest of their lives along with what our judicial system imposes.  But what triggers these types of Choices?  Is it their own insecurity by picking on someone weaker?  Is it the need for attention and the shock value our society not only craves but rewards these days?   

I don’t have all the answers on this and unfortunately too many adults, including those who are parents lack civility and may never learn or get it.  But the time is now to start teaching it to all children and young adults so they can break this trend and prevent future tragedies or hurt to others.  It always starts at home as indicated in our opening quote by writer and Professor Stephen Carter but we all have an opportunity with kids we coach, teach or just ride in the car with when going to the movies or park.  Seize that opportunity every chance you get!

“America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the ‘land of the free’.”

I am a dad, husband, friend, son, sibling, neighbor and coach.  I try to live my life the right way and am constantly looking to help others without any self-gain.  Iam far from perfect but I do not ever purposely try to harm others.  My family and some others went away last week for a nice vacation in the Bahamas and it was nice to be away from the news for a few days.  I came back and the big story across so many media outlets was a small Florida pastor threatening to burn a Muslim Holy Book in protest of a potential Muslim mosque being built near Ground Zero.

Now we have world-wide debate and outrage on all sides of this issue including those that will bring up the Constitution, revenge, fear, etc.  We live in times of fear where too many people make Choices based on fear they can instill to get what they want or fear of consequences based on a Choice they make.  This is no way to live our lives.  I disagree with any and all groups regardless of religion, race, sex, etc. that try to hurt others in any capacity for personal gain.  If you hurt others because you need to defend your family, friends, home, reputation, etc, no problem here as if someone comes at you, go back at them tenfold.

9/11 was a sick act of terrorism and those responsible for it are despicable humans and should be hunted down and held accountable.  For whatever religious reasons they claim they had to do what they did is bullshit plain and simple.  There are some whack jobs where as part of their culture think this is what their religion calls for.  They are wrong as members of their own religion will tell us and them.  But other religions are no different as they too have extreme members that create interpretations or do things citing their religious beliefs justify their actions.  They too are wrong.

This Florida pastor does not want the mosque built near ground zero and wanted to bring attention to his strong belief by threatening to perform an act that would intentionally hurt others.  I can support his call for attention to a cause but not his methods; this is what has me a little confused.  We have become such an attention seeking and needy society between Facebook, Twitter and Youtube where so many are thirsty to talk about the crap they just took or how they are feeling every 10 minutes.  Or more extreme, when someone does not get their way or wants to push a message, they perform crazy stunts.

There are some nasty scumbags all over this world, including in our own hometowns.  There also people that can burn flags or books and even write stuff on message boards, in newspapers and through blogs.  But for those who want the spotlight by purposely trying to hurt others through crime, slander or other negative Choices, we need to go at them with everything we have and let them know it is not how we do things here – wherever here is.  And if they do not like it, they can choose to leave.  I am still a little confused but then I watch the movie the "American President" where I took our opening quote and it gives us great examples on how to deal with various negative people and Choices.

“Do you know what the secret of life is? One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit. ‘But, what is the one thing?’… “That's what you have to find out.”

When it comes to human needs, one of the most popular theories focuses on Maslow’s hierarchy which is shown below.  We all start with the basics at the bottom in terms of survival and Maslow’s theory is that once you meet the needs of that level, you move to the next.  Ideally, we should all want to get to the top for when our human needs are met, we will have more content, caring people.  These days, too many people are stuck at the middle levels, especially when it comes to Love/Belonging and Esteem.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Between television, the web and all the things I witness in my community, we have become a society desperate for attention.  Brett Favre and Lebron James have proven that even the most famous, most athletic and richest people are as needy as the next guy or girl.  Chad Ocho Cinco had his feelings and body hurt so much during a game last week, he felt the need to break an NFL rule and “Tweet” about it.  Why, what was his ultimate goal by making this Choice?  Thanks to reality television, we have balloon boys, White House crashers and everyone and their mothers (and fathers) trying for their 15 minutes.  You want something closer to home, go to any youth sporting event and watch how parents act as their children are playing.  We have so many parents trying to relive their own childhood through their kids or try to become socially accepted in their city or town through their children.

Where you are is a question you have to ask honestly for yourself or ask others to help you with the answer.  As Maslow’s theory tells us, when any of these needs are not being met, it leads to Choices we make, drives our motivation.  Think about this the next time you see an athlete or celebrity acting the way they do or better yet, a friend, neighbor or foe who is trying too hard to fit in or be part of the group.  I do not have all the answers but I do like the advice from our opening quote from the movie “City Slickers” and I found my one thing.

“That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.”

This was a tough one today as two topics have inspired me to write where if you follow this space have noticed that the great weather this summer has me on hiatus.  A reader sent me the following link which I first heard about yesterday morning on WEEI Sports talk radio.  (Click Here) as after reading, you too will be disturbed but not surprised as the writer, Bob Herbert nails it when he says the blame is all around and that we need more inspiring teachers and settings for students of all ages.  But then we have the JetBlue flight attendant who did something we have all wanted to do at one time in our lives either as an employee, customer or person in a group of people where there are ignorant schmucks around us.  (Click Here) for that story.

I have noticed it for years when I am either in classrooms talking to students or at the fields that kids these days are not inspired by school and/or their teachers.  I think it is a combination of instant gratification and all the options kids are presented with.  When I was a kid (yikes, sounding like an old fart), we had school and after school we usually played with friends outside until the streetlights came on.  We played football in the fall, street hockey in winter and hoops and baseball in the spring and summer.  Video games were not prevalent and cell phones and the Internet had not yet come into play.  Kids played sports through their school, Rec. or town leagues or did Scouts and if those activities did not interest them, they usually went off the path with the smoking or drinking crowd.  The most common theme why kids joined sports, Scouts or another clique was the group associated with it and/or the adult leader/coach.

As for Steven Slater, soon to be formally of JetBlue, tell me who has not felt like doing what he had the cajones to do?  I know exactly where he is coming from as I wrote about this back in May.  There are way too many ignorant and selfish people in the world and many seem to be on the same flights that I go on.  You know these people; the ones that flick cigarettes out car windows or trample a kid for a foul ball at a baseball game.  I do not condone his behavior but definitely understand why he lost it as I teach clients that the “customer is not always right”. But now here comes the other cultural phenomenon of our society as shocking behavior, regardless of how inappropriate, gets rewarded and we will see Slater on the talk show circuit.  Remember the White House dinner crashers who pretty much broke the law and now I see them on TV more and more and so on.

Is it no wonder our education has faltered in this country as Bob Herbert’s said it best when so many kids would rather be the next “Snooki” than the next Jonas Salk.  For today’s opening quote, I went with Principal Richard Vernon from the movie “The Breakfast Club” as I think it captured both thought nicely…

“One of the troubles about vanity is that it grows with what it feeds on. The more you are talked about, the more you will wish to be talked about.”

This time of year is like Christmas in the Summer for me as youth football season began this past Monday.  This is a unique year for me as for the first time in 5 years coaching football, I will not be coaching one of my sons as I stayed with the same team (based on grade) that I had last year and my son obviously moved up a grade.  So far so good for as much as I miss being around my son on the field, we see each other all day and afterwards and I know they are both in good hands with their current teams and coaches.  It is also great for all of us as they do not have the pressure of “the old man” micromanaging them and I do not have to worry about being too hard or too easy on them.

As I watch Sportscenter on ESPN the last few days, not a few minutes can go by without a Brett Favre update, either on the scroll or live report from Mississippi, Minnesota or wherever about whether he is retiring (yet again) or coming back.  Now I just saw a report that his team, the Vikings have offered to increase his salary to entice him to come back.  I never thought I would say this but I think I am more tired of this drama than I was of the Lebron James crap.  But this is today’s professional athlete; despite the often times cocky, tough guy appearance, many of these guys are still insecure little boys emotionally with a huge need to be accepted and wanted.  Come to think of it, this is also like many adults I know who are not professional athletes but may be professional bankers, construction workers, IT guys, you name it. 

I think we can all agree that the media has a lot to do with this with videos, Twitter, text alerts and highlights galore.  The attention is like a drug for so many as evidenced by Lebron’s “Announcement Special” followed by his and his teammates rock band introduction the next day.  Professional sports are entertainment, I get it but it is becoming like professionally wrestling with all the glitz and glitter.  But as long as we continue to feed the beast with how much we watch, attend and buy merchandise, why should it change as referenced in our opening quote by English philosopher, Bertrand Russell?   

“Years ago, when writing an article on youth sports, I asked a number of elementary school children around the country how they wanted their parents to behave while attending their sporting events. Without hesitation, and almost as if the children had rehearsed their answers, they calmly responded, ‘Just be there.’ They went on to say that their parents should not yell good or bad comments, and they hoped their parents didn’t make a scene. They knew some parents did, they just never wanted it to be their parents that did.”

As we approach the end of July, youth baseball season is winding down with those kids that are still playing either competing for their state title or playing extra ball in summer tournaments.  For me, there is no better feeling than watching kids play baseball, learning the game and having fun while doing it.  Yet, regardless of the town or age, there are always going to be those parents that take the fun out of the game, usually about playing time for their child.  I was at a gathering recently and despite a team winning a huge game in dramatic fashion, there was still a parent focusing more on their child’s playing time than the win for the team.

Last week, when my sons had a bunch of friends over, I followed the lead of my friend Tina Nocera who founded the website Parental Wisdom (and also gave us our opening quote) and asked a similar questions to some 4^th-7th graders.  I asked the boys about playing time in sports and if kids their age knew which of their teammates should be playing more on the teams they were on.  To a kid, they all answered quickly and in the affirmative that ALL the kids know who is better on their teams and where they themselves rate on the depth chart amongst their teammates.  I then asked if they thought their parents cared more about playing time in games than they did and again, very quickly, they all answered “Yes”.  It was at this point, my oldest son gave me “the look” as he and I knew exactly what he was referring to as we had this same example in the Spring during a lacrosse game which was a breakthrough positive moment for us in sports.

As I wrote about last month, who or what are sports about for adults these days?  We all want our children to be happy and enjoy success.  There are numerous articles and TV specials which chronicle the cultural impact youth sports has in communities, especially on the parents.  The main theme are parents who go from virtual unknowns in their town to walking through the grocery store with people recognizing them thanks to their son or daughter doing great in the most recent game.  They now feel popular and/or “accepted” and do not want to lose that notoriety and sometimes even get drunk with it.  Hence, youth sports have now become about them and not their child and you can see where this can lead to.

As it was for me and is for my children and will be for my grandchildren, parent/child conversations can be difficult.  But they can also be very enlightening and rewarding.  Even if your own child may not open up to you, they will to other trusted adults in your life so surround yourself with good people and then ask the questions.  One thing about kids, they are usually unfiltered so you k now you will get genuine answers.

“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”

Your 4 choices are – Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, The Palin Family, or Lebron James.  I could give the easy way out and put an “all of the above” but that may be too easy.   I added the link to the news I just read where after all the attacks back and forth; Bristol Palin is re-engaged to the father of her child and nut job, Levi Johnston.  As for the other 3, if you have not heard anything about them, you either have tuned out the Internet, news and water cooler or have been on a remote island for the last few weeks but not a bad thing at all based on what must go on in these people’s heads.

With the exception of the Palin crew, who are still not eating spam to get by, all these people have more money than most ever dream of.  Yet they are all stunning examples of money not being able to buy happiness or fulfillment.  In Gibson’s case, I have not followed too much but it sounds like his rage has released feelings and an attitude that may damage his reputation and legacy forever.  Lindsay Lohan is the poster child for the attitude of so many teens and young adults of the Millennial or “Y” Generation.  The judge in her case is a role model for all those in a position of authority as she saw right through Lohan’s fake remorse and allowed Lohan to show her true colors when she did not get her way. 

Then there’s Lebron James and the struggle that must be going on in his head right now. I wonder how many times he has told himself these days how much better his announcement show sounded in his head.  He tried to make it look like he was doing this to raise money for the Boys and Girls club etc. but my guess is that those close to him (agent, PR people, family, friends) screwed him with their advice on this one as they were not looking out for Lebron, they were looking out for what was in it for them.  On an athletic note, I think James should have stayed in Cleveland as you finish what you start but these days, professional sports are now a business (show business to boot) and loyalty is not there on all sides.  But how Lebron did all this was self-absorbed before, during and after he joined the Miami Heat.  He and Lohan are about the same age and no surprise on their values and views on life.

Even though I spent more words on Lebron James, I do not have a clear-cut favorite for who has the biggest issues.  I could even go off the board and pick some whack job parents I know who could give all the above a run for the title.  It is stories like these that always remind me how grateful I am for the 3 F’s – Family, Faith and Friends.  All the above have earned a lot of fame and fortune in their life and like our opening quote from the late, great George Carlin, have sadly, also earned a lot more.

“A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality.”

There are some bad people in this world, in each of our own communities too.  We see every day people that make poor Choices; could be for greed (such as business fraud), desperation (stealing due to lack of money) or self esteem (Kobayashi and his hot dog contest escapades) for example.  I am seeing it all too often in youth sports and it is even hitting close to home with how some people are acting these days.  People ask me all the time why I get involved and say it happens everywhere so not to bother.   I am not sure why I feel the way I do but I can’t look the other way when I see unethical behavior, lying and cheating, even if it does not personally impact me. 

Years ago, I remember an email circulating called “Don’t Close the Blinds” and it came about after 9/11.  I did not view it as a pro-military message as I looked at it from a responsibility I believe we all have to always try to do what is right, even if it could result in personal consequences as referenced in our opening quote by Winston Churchill.  (Click Here) to see a video that plays out this email and do not view it in terms of why we go to war but rather what responsibility we think we have to confront inappropriate behavior in our neighborhood, schools or athletic fields.

 Some people have made a Choice recently to come at me and my family and I have been forced to defend my reputation and integrity despite some despicable behavior shown by some parents – behavior I can validate with emails and stuff posted on line among others things.  I have never claimed to be all-knowing or always right but one thing I will always claim is that I strive to act with the highest integrity and ethics in all I do.  There are those who choose not to live that way and try to bring you down to their level even at the expense of children.  This is a main reason I won’t close the blinds and hope you don’t either.

“You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

There are some miserable people in this world and some days it feels like they always end up somewhere near me.  Whether I am in the supermarket, out with the kids, getting as or just driving, I always see some of the most miserable looking people that just don’t smile or have absolutely zero common courtesy.   On the contrary, there is nothing better than running into people who are nice, seem happy or just smile when they talk to you.  Check it out next time you go to the supermarket and the cashier you get.

Being nice is a Choice, plain and simple.  For example, I consider myself a very courteous driver and constantly wave people in.  All I ask for is a little recognition of my gesture; a simple wave, a beep or a head nod.  My favorite miserable people seem to hang out in plazas where they walk out in front of your car and do not even look at you as they know you will stop.  Just once I would love to roll one of these rude people who think the world revolved around them up on my hood just to send them a life wake-up call about their miserableness.  And these people never wave when you let them cross and just act like you are not even there.

Thankfully, for all the miserable people that seem to cross my path, I meet many nice people who wave me in, hold a door open or just greet you with a smile and hello when you are checking out or visiting where they work.  So starting today, try to smile more, say hello more and say please and thank you more, especially when meeting strangers.  John Wooden was not only a great coach but a great person and gave us our opening quote.

"The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

Maybe the Sunderland kids are unique, prodigies if you will but even if they are, they are still kids.  (Click Here) if you do not recognize the name as this is the family where the teenage girl almost died trying to follow her brother’s feat of sailing solo around the world.  I do not know anything more than what I have read or seen on line and TV but I do know kids and teenagers.  I think goals are very important for kids and adults alike but I would never allow my child to risk their life trying to accomplish this one.

What was this all about?  Was it a younger sibling trying to compete with her brother who reached an incredibly lofty goal and the fame that comes with it?  Is this a result of parental pressure or worse, parents trying to live vicariously through their children to accomplish things they were never able to or can’t do?  Sadly, I see this behavior from parents too much these days especially in youth sports as go to any youth baseball, football, lacrosse, basketball, you name it game and watch how some of these parents act.  I was umpiring a game this past weekend and I actually saw a pitcher look to the stands at a parent who was saying something to him just as he was delivering a pitch (which ended up being nowhere near the plate – go figure).  And do not even get me started on All-star selection as this process is a Harvard case study waiting to happen!

We all want our kids to be successful and or win, especially when it comes to sports.  But have you ever stopped and thought what your kid wants?   My sons are no different than most kids in competitive sports and always want to win.  This past Sunday, my 10 year old’s baseball team lost a playoff game after taking a 5 run lead into the last inning.  Many of the boys were in tears (including mine) immediately after the game and I am sure some parents were frustrated.  No more than 15 minutes later, I went to the nearby store to pick something up and there were both teams, laughing and smiling, eating ice cream.  Perspective at its finest.

Youth sports can be a great teaching experience for all kids and I am not talking about learning to hit a ball or shoot a puck.  Sports, when taught and coached the right way and more importantly supported by parents in even a better way; will teach kids about teamwork, adversity, sacrifice and commitment.  Let’s think about this the next time we drop our kids off or put them in a boat for is it about them or you?   

Still remembering the life of John Wooden and what a great man and coach he was; thus our opening quote from him.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.”

There are times in your life when you tip your hat to someone as they beat you fair and square like a great baseball pitcher facing a great batter and the batter hits a home run off the pitcher's best pitch.  Maybe a fellow poker player outplayed you on a hand based on a great bluff or great read.  In other cases, a person makes a great point or sums up a situation in such a way that you just tip your cap.  When googling the 3 simple rules that John Wooden had as a leader for his basketball teams, I came across a blog by David Goad.  I tip my hat to David Goad as he summed up perfectly what I wanted to write about today.  (Click Here) to read about those rules and thank you David, I look forward to learning about and reading more from you.

I do not want or need fame and hope I live a long, humble life as John Wooden did as referenced in our opening quote.

Be sure to listen to John Wooden’s words at the bottom of link above, very powerful…

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best that you are capable of being.”

There were two huge stories in sports over the past few days; one involved baseball and the other basketball.  On Thursday night, one of the rarest feats in Major League baseball should have been accomplished but due to a mistaken call by the umpire, a pitcher missed out on a “perfect game”.  To put in perspective, even though there have already been 2 perfect games thrown this year, there have only been 18 since the modern era of baseball began in the year 1900; it is that rare.  This past weekend, the world lost college basketball legend, John Wooden who holds more college basketball coaching records than any other coach.

Today will be about the missed perfect game and chance at immortality that many claim was lost by Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga when first base umpire Jim Joyce called the batter safe at first on what should have been the last out of the game.  Immediately after the game when Joyce saw the replay, he admitted he made the wrong call and felt sick about it knowing what he cost Galarraga.  But it was too late as human error is an element in all officiating events and this is not the first missed call by an official that affected a game or statistics.  But it was one of the most publicized as our nation became fixated on it with opinions on what should be done.

I want to focus on the class and sportsmanship that Armando Galarraga showed despite getting one of the rawest deals any athlete has ever received at any level of sports.  Emotions were high immediately after the call as fans, coaches and teammates of Galarraga were irate.  The airwaves lit up and talk shows, even non-sports shows, made this a lead story.  But the great thing about this incident is the remarkable Choices that so many people made once confronted with an emotional situation.  Joyce took full accountability for his mistake and immediately sought out Galarraga to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  Galarraga forgave the man that cost him a place in baseball history.  There were many others including fans, coaches, fellow umpires and players that also recognized that they too are human and make mistakes.

My hope is that parents and coaches are talking to their kids more about the class and attitude exhibited by Joyce and Galarraga and less about the blown call and need for instant replay.  Jim Joyce made a bad call and it will not be the last one by an official in sports.  Life threw Galarraga a potentially devastating curve ball and he knocked it out of the park.  Life hit Jim Joyce with what my father would say “a haymaker” and he could have stayed down for the count but got up, took accountability for his actions and was out there the next day.  John Wooden, who gave us our opening quote, is smiling right now.