Enliven Daily

“Do you know what the secret of life is? One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit. ‘But, what is the one thing?’… “That's what you have to find out.”

When it comes to human needs, one of the most popular theories focuses on Maslow’s hierarchy which is shown below.  We all start with the basics at the bottom in terms of survival and Maslow’s theory is that once you meet the needs of that level, you move to the next.  Ideally, we should all want to get to the top for when our human needs are met, we will have more content, caring people.  These days, too many people are stuck at the middle levels, especially when it comes to Love/Belonging and Esteem.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Between television, the web and all the things I witness in my community, we have become a society desperate for attention.  Brett Favre and Lebron James have proven that even the most famous, most athletic and richest people are as needy as the next guy or girl.  Chad Ocho Cinco had his feelings and body hurt so much during a game last week, he felt the need to break an NFL rule and “Tweet” about it.  Why, what was his ultimate goal by making this Choice?  Thanks to reality television, we have balloon boys, White House crashers and everyone and their mothers (and fathers) trying for their 15 minutes.  You want something closer to home, go to any youth sporting event and watch how parents act as their children are playing.  We have so many parents trying to relive their own childhood through their kids or try to become socially accepted in their city or town through their children.

Where you are is a question you have to ask honestly for yourself or ask others to help you with the answer.  As Maslow’s theory tells us, when any of these needs are not being met, it leads to Choices we make, drives our motivation.  Think about this the next time you see an athlete or celebrity acting the way they do or better yet, a friend, neighbor or foe who is trying too hard to fit in or be part of the group.  I do not have all the answers but I do like the advice from our opening quote from the movie “City Slickers” and I found my one thing.

“That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.”

This was a tough one today as two topics have inspired me to write where if you follow this space have noticed that the great weather this summer has me on hiatus.  A reader sent me the following link which I first heard about yesterday morning on WEEI Sports talk radio.  (Click Here) as after reading, you too will be disturbed but not surprised as the writer, Bob Herbert nails it when he says the blame is all around and that we need more inspiring teachers and settings for students of all ages.  But then we have the JetBlue flight attendant who did something we have all wanted to do at one time in our lives either as an employee, customer or person in a group of people where there are ignorant schmucks around us.  (Click Here) for that story.

I have noticed it for years when I am either in classrooms talking to students or at the fields that kids these days are not inspired by school and/or their teachers.  I think it is a combination of instant gratification and all the options kids are presented with.  When I was a kid (yikes, sounding like an old fart), we had school and after school we usually played with friends outside until the streetlights came on.  We played football in the fall, street hockey in winter and hoops and baseball in the spring and summer.  Video games were not prevalent and cell phones and the Internet had not yet come into play.  Kids played sports through their school, Rec. or town leagues or did Scouts and if those activities did not interest them, they usually went off the path with the smoking or drinking crowd.  The most common theme why kids joined sports, Scouts or another clique was the group associated with it and/or the adult leader/coach.

As for Steven Slater, soon to be formally of JetBlue, tell me who has not felt like doing what he had the cajones to do?  I know exactly where he is coming from as I wrote about this back in May.  There are way too many ignorant and selfish people in the world and many seem to be on the same flights that I go on.  You know these people; the ones that flick cigarettes out car windows or trample a kid for a foul ball at a baseball game.  I do not condone his behavior but definitely understand why he lost it as I teach clients that the “customer is not always right”. But now here comes the other cultural phenomenon of our society as shocking behavior, regardless of how inappropriate, gets rewarded and we will see Slater on the talk show circuit.  Remember the White House dinner crashers who pretty much broke the law and now I see them on TV more and more and so on.

Is it no wonder our education has faltered in this country as Bob Herbert’s said it best when so many kids would rather be the next “Snooki” than the next Jonas Salk.  For today’s opening quote, I went with Principal Richard Vernon from the movie “The Breakfast Club” as I think it captured both thought nicely…

“One of the troubles about vanity is that it grows with what it feeds on. The more you are talked about, the more you will wish to be talked about.”

This time of year is like Christmas in the Summer for me as youth football season began this past Monday.  This is a unique year for me as for the first time in 5 years coaching football, I will not be coaching one of my sons as I stayed with the same team (based on grade) that I had last year and my son obviously moved up a grade.  So far so good for as much as I miss being around my son on the field, we see each other all day and afterwards and I know they are both in good hands with their current teams and coaches.  It is also great for all of us as they do not have the pressure of “the old man” micromanaging them and I do not have to worry about being too hard or too easy on them.

As I watch Sportscenter on ESPN the last few days, not a few minutes can go by without a Brett Favre update, either on the scroll or live report from Mississippi, Minnesota or wherever about whether he is retiring (yet again) or coming back.  Now I just saw a report that his team, the Vikings have offered to increase his salary to entice him to come back.  I never thought I would say this but I think I am more tired of this drama than I was of the Lebron James crap.  But this is today’s professional athlete; despite the often times cocky, tough guy appearance, many of these guys are still insecure little boys emotionally with a huge need to be accepted and wanted.  Come to think of it, this is also like many adults I know who are not professional athletes but may be professional bankers, construction workers, IT guys, you name it. 

I think we can all agree that the media has a lot to do with this with videos, Twitter, text alerts and highlights galore.  The attention is like a drug for so many as evidenced by Lebron’s “Announcement Special” followed by his and his teammates rock band introduction the next day.  Professional sports are entertainment, I get it but it is becoming like professionally wrestling with all the glitz and glitter.  But as long as we continue to feed the beast with how much we watch, attend and buy merchandise, why should it change as referenced in our opening quote by English philosopher, Bertrand Russell?   

“Years ago, when writing an article on youth sports, I asked a number of elementary school children around the country how they wanted their parents to behave while attending their sporting events. Without hesitation, and almost as if the children had rehearsed their answers, they calmly responded, ‘Just be there.’ They went on to say that their parents should not yell good or bad comments, and they hoped their parents didn’t make a scene. They knew some parents did, they just never wanted it to be their parents that did.”

As we approach the end of July, youth baseball season is winding down with those kids that are still playing either competing for their state title or playing extra ball in summer tournaments.  For me, there is no better feeling than watching kids play baseball, learning the game and having fun while doing it.  Yet, regardless of the town or age, there are always going to be those parents that take the fun out of the game, usually about playing time for their child.  I was at a gathering recently and despite a team winning a huge game in dramatic fashion, there was still a parent focusing more on their child’s playing time than the win for the team.

Last week, when my sons had a bunch of friends over, I followed the lead of my friend Tina Nocera who founded the website Parental Wisdom (and also gave us our opening quote) and asked a similar questions to some 4^th-7th graders.  I asked the boys about playing time in sports and if kids their age knew which of their teammates should be playing more on the teams they were on.  To a kid, they all answered quickly and in the affirmative that ALL the kids know who is better on their teams and where they themselves rate on the depth chart amongst their teammates.  I then asked if they thought their parents cared more about playing time in games than they did and again, very quickly, they all answered “Yes”.  It was at this point, my oldest son gave me “the look” as he and I knew exactly what he was referring to as we had this same example in the Spring during a lacrosse game which was a breakthrough positive moment for us in sports.

As I wrote about last month, who or what are sports about for adults these days?  We all want our children to be happy and enjoy success.  There are numerous articles and TV specials which chronicle the cultural impact youth sports has in communities, especially on the parents.  The main theme are parents who go from virtual unknowns in their town to walking through the grocery store with people recognizing them thanks to their son or daughter doing great in the most recent game.  They now feel popular and/or “accepted” and do not want to lose that notoriety and sometimes even get drunk with it.  Hence, youth sports have now become about them and not their child and you can see where this can lead to.

As it was for me and is for my children and will be for my grandchildren, parent/child conversations can be difficult.  But they can also be very enlightening and rewarding.  Even if your own child may not open up to you, they will to other trusted adults in your life so surround yourself with good people and then ask the questions.  One thing about kids, they are usually unfiltered so you k now you will get genuine answers.

“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”

Your 4 choices are – Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, The Palin Family, or Lebron James.  I could give the easy way out and put an “all of the above” but that may be too easy.   I added the link to the news I just read where after all the attacks back and forth; Bristol Palin is re-engaged to the father of her child and nut job, Levi Johnston.  As for the other 3, if you have not heard anything about them, you either have tuned out the Internet, news and water cooler or have been on a remote island for the last few weeks but not a bad thing at all based on what must go on in these people’s heads.

With the exception of the Palin crew, who are still not eating spam to get by, all these people have more money than most ever dream of.  Yet they are all stunning examples of money not being able to buy happiness or fulfillment.  In Gibson’s case, I have not followed too much but it sounds like his rage has released feelings and an attitude that may damage his reputation and legacy forever.  Lindsay Lohan is the poster child for the attitude of so many teens and young adults of the Millennial or “Y” Generation.  The judge in her case is a role model for all those in a position of authority as she saw right through Lohan’s fake remorse and allowed Lohan to show her true colors when she did not get her way. 

Then there’s Lebron James and the struggle that must be going on in his head right now. I wonder how many times he has told himself these days how much better his announcement show sounded in his head.  He tried to make it look like he was doing this to raise money for the Boys and Girls club etc. but my guess is that those close to him (agent, PR people, family, friends) screwed him with their advice on this one as they were not looking out for Lebron, they were looking out for what was in it for them.  On an athletic note, I think James should have stayed in Cleveland as you finish what you start but these days, professional sports are now a business (show business to boot) and loyalty is not there on all sides.  But how Lebron did all this was self-absorbed before, during and after he joined the Miami Heat.  He and Lohan are about the same age and no surprise on their values and views on life.

Even though I spent more words on Lebron James, I do not have a clear-cut favorite for who has the biggest issues.  I could even go off the board and pick some whack job parents I know who could give all the above a run for the title.  It is stories like these that always remind me how grateful I am for the 3 F’s – Family, Faith and Friends.  All the above have earned a lot of fame and fortune in their life and like our opening quote from the late, great George Carlin, have sadly, also earned a lot more.

“A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality.”

There are some bad people in this world, in each of our own communities too.  We see every day people that make poor Choices; could be for greed (such as business fraud), desperation (stealing due to lack of money) or self esteem (Kobayashi and his hot dog contest escapades) for example.  I am seeing it all too often in youth sports and it is even hitting close to home with how some people are acting these days.  People ask me all the time why I get involved and say it happens everywhere so not to bother.   I am not sure why I feel the way I do but I can’t look the other way when I see unethical behavior, lying and cheating, even if it does not personally impact me. 

Years ago, I remember an email circulating called “Don’t Close the Blinds” and it came about after 9/11.  I did not view it as a pro-military message as I looked at it from a responsibility I believe we all have to always try to do what is right, even if it could result in personal consequences as referenced in our opening quote by Winston Churchill.  (Click Here) to see a video that plays out this email and do not view it in terms of why we go to war but rather what responsibility we think we have to confront inappropriate behavior in our neighborhood, schools or athletic fields.

 Some people have made a Choice recently to come at me and my family and I have been forced to defend my reputation and integrity despite some despicable behavior shown by some parents – behavior I can validate with emails and stuff posted on line among others things.  I have never claimed to be all-knowing or always right but one thing I will always claim is that I strive to act with the highest integrity and ethics in all I do.  There are those who choose not to live that way and try to bring you down to their level even at the expense of children.  This is a main reason I won’t close the blinds and hope you don’t either.

“You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

There are some miserable people in this world and some days it feels like they always end up somewhere near me.  Whether I am in the supermarket, out with the kids, getting as or just driving, I always see some of the most miserable looking people that just don’t smile or have absolutely zero common courtesy.   On the contrary, there is nothing better than running into people who are nice, seem happy or just smile when they talk to you.  Check it out next time you go to the supermarket and the cashier you get.

Being nice is a Choice, plain and simple.  For example, I consider myself a very courteous driver and constantly wave people in.  All I ask for is a little recognition of my gesture; a simple wave, a beep or a head nod.  My favorite miserable people seem to hang out in plazas where they walk out in front of your car and do not even look at you as they know you will stop.  Just once I would love to roll one of these rude people who think the world revolved around them up on my hood just to send them a life wake-up call about their miserableness.  And these people never wave when you let them cross and just act like you are not even there.

Thankfully, for all the miserable people that seem to cross my path, I meet many nice people who wave me in, hold a door open or just greet you with a smile and hello when you are checking out or visiting where they work.  So starting today, try to smile more, say hello more and say please and thank you more, especially when meeting strangers.  John Wooden was not only a great coach but a great person and gave us our opening quote.

"The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

Maybe the Sunderland kids are unique, prodigies if you will but even if they are, they are still kids.  (Click Here) if you do not recognize the name as this is the family where the teenage girl almost died trying to follow her brother’s feat of sailing solo around the world.  I do not know anything more than what I have read or seen on line and TV but I do know kids and teenagers.  I think goals are very important for kids and adults alike but I would never allow my child to risk their life trying to accomplish this one.

What was this all about?  Was it a younger sibling trying to compete with her brother who reached an incredibly lofty goal and the fame that comes with it?  Is this a result of parental pressure or worse, parents trying to live vicariously through their children to accomplish things they were never able to or can’t do?  Sadly, I see this behavior from parents too much these days especially in youth sports as go to any youth baseball, football, lacrosse, basketball, you name it game and watch how some of these parents act.  I was umpiring a game this past weekend and I actually saw a pitcher look to the stands at a parent who was saying something to him just as he was delivering a pitch (which ended up being nowhere near the plate – go figure).  And do not even get me started on All-star selection as this process is a Harvard case study waiting to happen!

We all want our kids to be successful and or win, especially when it comes to sports.  But have you ever stopped and thought what your kid wants?   My sons are no different than most kids in competitive sports and always want to win.  This past Sunday, my 10 year old’s baseball team lost a playoff game after taking a 5 run lead into the last inning.  Many of the boys were in tears (including mine) immediately after the game and I am sure some parents were frustrated.  No more than 15 minutes later, I went to the nearby store to pick something up and there were both teams, laughing and smiling, eating ice cream.  Perspective at its finest.

Youth sports can be a great teaching experience for all kids and I am not talking about learning to hit a ball or shoot a puck.  Sports, when taught and coached the right way and more importantly supported by parents in even a better way; will teach kids about teamwork, adversity, sacrifice and commitment.  Let’s think about this the next time we drop our kids off or put them in a boat for is it about them or you?   

Still remembering the life of John Wooden and what a great man and coach he was; thus our opening quote from him.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.”

There are times in your life when you tip your hat to someone as they beat you fair and square like a great baseball pitcher facing a great batter and the batter hits a home run off the pitcher's best pitch.  Maybe a fellow poker player outplayed you on a hand based on a great bluff or great read.  In other cases, a person makes a great point or sums up a situation in such a way that you just tip your cap.  When googling the 3 simple rules that John Wooden had as a leader for his basketball teams, I came across a blog by David Goad.  I tip my hat to David Goad as he summed up perfectly what I wanted to write about today.  (Click Here) to read about those rules and thank you David, I look forward to learning about and reading more from you.

I do not want or need fame and hope I live a long, humble life as John Wooden did as referenced in our opening quote.

Be sure to listen to John Wooden’s words at the bottom of link above, very powerful…

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best that you are capable of being.”

There were two huge stories in sports over the past few days; one involved baseball and the other basketball.  On Thursday night, one of the rarest feats in Major League baseball should have been accomplished but due to a mistaken call by the umpire, a pitcher missed out on a “perfect game”.  To put in perspective, even though there have already been 2 perfect games thrown this year, there have only been 18 since the modern era of baseball began in the year 1900; it is that rare.  This past weekend, the world lost college basketball legend, John Wooden who holds more college basketball coaching records than any other coach.

Today will be about the missed perfect game and chance at immortality that many claim was lost by Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga when first base umpire Jim Joyce called the batter safe at first on what should have been the last out of the game.  Immediately after the game when Joyce saw the replay, he admitted he made the wrong call and felt sick about it knowing what he cost Galarraga.  But it was too late as human error is an element in all officiating events and this is not the first missed call by an official that affected a game or statistics.  But it was one of the most publicized as our nation became fixated on it with opinions on what should be done.

I want to focus on the class and sportsmanship that Armando Galarraga showed despite getting one of the rawest deals any athlete has ever received at any level of sports.  Emotions were high immediately after the call as fans, coaches and teammates of Galarraga were irate.  The airwaves lit up and talk shows, even non-sports shows, made this a lead story.  But the great thing about this incident is the remarkable Choices that so many people made once confronted with an emotional situation.  Joyce took full accountability for his mistake and immediately sought out Galarraga to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  Galarraga forgave the man that cost him a place in baseball history.  There were many others including fans, coaches, fellow umpires and players that also recognized that they too are human and make mistakes.

My hope is that parents and coaches are talking to their kids more about the class and attitude exhibited by Joyce and Galarraga and less about the blown call and need for instant replay.  Jim Joyce made a bad call and it will not be the last one by an official in sports.  Life threw Galarraga a potentially devastating curve ball and he knocked it out of the park.  Life hit Jim Joyce with what my father would say “a haymaker” and he could have stayed down for the count but got up, took accountability for his actions and was out there the next day.  John Wooden, who gave us our opening quote, is smiling right now.

“We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors, I love you. You complete me. And I just...”

After a month of travel in May, which resulted in few entries in this space, I am back to some down time and with that comes reflection.  My Aunt Marilyn passed away suddenly a few weeks ago which stunned our family, especially my Uncle Tony and my cousins, Andrea and Mike.  Although we were all grieving, when we all got together, we celebrated her life and all the memories we had of family and friends.  This past Monday, we had our first of many BBQ’s at our house where we ate, had a few cocktails, swam and played a ton of wiffelball.  New friends continue to join and a great time was had by all.  To borrow an expression from the Jacobs’ brothers – “Life is Good”! No wait, Life is Great!!!

Although things are going well for my family and me, I have some friends and other family hurting these days and my and many people’s thoughts are with them constantly. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for all that I have, especially my health, family and friends and that list is lead by my wife and best friend, Tracy.  Like our opening quote from the movie Jerry Maguire, my life would not be complete without her and even though I never think it is possible, I love her more today than yesterday (bonus song lyric from Spiral Starecase) and half as much as tomorrow... 

(Click Here) to read the article/story that triggered this entry and as you will see, it is not favorable to men in marriages but the reality is that women make similar Choices.  Regardless, it is a disturbing read that I obviously hope never happens to Tracy and me and feel really good that it won’t based on how we treat each other.  Those that know us, see and hear that we are far from perfect and have some good verbal sparring sessions now and then (Editor’s Note – these are not fights or even arguments, we just love to debate as we look at certain things from much different perspectives.  At the end, the winner, usually her, gets the other to say “whatever” and we laugh).  But at the end of the day, we know we have unconditional love where we always put each other and our children ahead of our own needs or temptations and so far, it has worked out great.  It is a feeling I wish everyone could experience as it is like no other feeling knowing I have her by my side.

In terms of the title of this entry on what I want from this life… I have it.  I hope you find it too and never let it go.

In case you missed it, last week, 4 Concord (NH) High School students were arrested and charged with assaulting a younger and weaker student in what is a horrific case of bullying.  (Click Here) for the story which includes some after affects as well as the story of what a boy had to go through as a result of disturbed older kids that are battling their own demons and need for acceptance.

Studies show that there are 3 reasons why student Choose (and it is a Choice) to bully:

·         Students who bully have strong needs for power and (negative) dominance.

·         Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to other
students.

·         Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for their behavior with material or psychological rewards.

I will add a 4^th reason that few want to talk about or even address which may not prevent an initial bullying attempt but will certainly go a long way in preventing future ones by the same person or others – lack of parent and other adult involvement in addressing even the smallest signs of bullying.  I have seen the pictures of the 4 kids arrested and based on their ages and still being in high school, I am sure there are a pattern of behavior over the years of these kids that have been observed by many in leadership roles (teachers, coaches, neighbors, etc.) and especially their parents and other adults close to them.  These same adults may have dismissed their behavior or worse yet, condoned and accepted by laughing or doing nothing. 

Every adult, regardless of their role at school, sports, wherever, has a responsibility to protect kids, especially those that may be weaker than their peers, either emotionally or physically.  If you do not think this is a role you should play, tell me why as I am not implying a 100 pound female high school teacher has to try to take on 2 huge football players who may be picking on a classmate.  There are various ways to get involved having a consistent and unified approach is the best message to send.

The Choice is ours.

“Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.”

Why do some people seem so nasty, grumpy or like they just don’t give a crap about anyone but themselves?  Over the last month, I have been traveling a ton which has been great from a business perspective, don’t get me wrong.  During this time, I am able to meet many new people either in the classes I conduct or on planes, in hotels, at restaurants, etc.  Most come across as nice people or at least not as jerks but there are way too many that are just rude and seem so miserable.

Case in point is on airplanes.  As soon as the plane I am traveling on lands, the rush is on as people get up and despite the doors not being open, people are jockeying for position trying to move up the aisle by a few seats.  As I watch and then assess, in the end, these people may have picked up an extra 3 minutes by their crafty yet obnoxious positioning.  Was it that important?  Only they can tell.

Why can’t people just try to be nicer or more courteous in life?  Why do so many guys have to spit out their gum in a urinal for example, were they raised by apes?  I think smoking is a disgusting and unhealthy habit but I will respect ones right to do it.  But why do people feel it is appropriate to flick their cigarette out a car window or to just put it out wherever they want on a sidewalk?   

Wouldn’t the world be a nicer place if more people tried to live their life more about others than themselves?  I am not expecting it to be huge so instead of giving an inch in hopes of getting a yard, why don’t we all try a little harder and just give an eighth of an inch and see where it takes us?  I was stumped for an opening movie quote but a buddy and I were talking about “Mr. Mom” earlier this week so I used the one above.

“Lately it occurs to me: What a long, strange trip it's been”

I have been traveling a lot which means I get to meet many people as well as make a ton of observations when it comes to leadership and customer service.  I also read and watch the news a lot so I will start with that as two sports stories have caught my attention.  We have the horrible situation at Virginia University where a male student athlete murdered a female student athlete.  Then there is the idiot fan tasered at a Philadelphia Phillies game.

What happened at Virginia is an absolute tragedy and one which I am sure had warning signs.  This has little to do with lacrosse or athletics as much as it has to do with a young adult and signs of rage he probably showed.  Both as a student (over 20 years ago) and as a college administrator (15 years ago), I saw the warning signs of abuse by male students.  It usually occurred when they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol but there were clear signs that bad things could easily happen to someone else or the person in question.  If I could notice it, you know others close to the person could even easier.  So why don’t they say something?  Usually because they do not know how, do not know the seriousness or a combination of both.

As for the teenager who ran on the baseball field in Philadelphia and ended up getting tasered – he got what he deserved; plain and simple.  We need to stop making excuses for inappropriate, arrogant behavior as we are becoming a society of complacency or indifference and that is not good.  I despise selfish and rude behavior like this as this Choice was all about this kid’s need for attention or to try to steal the spotlight.  We all make mistakes and hopefully he learned from it and becomes a positive, contributing, selfless member of society.  If not, he will surely get more shocks in the future (pun purely intended).

Finally, I have been in New York the last few weeks and despite the sports rivalry, have met many great people.  Tonight, I wanted to watch the Bruins/Flyers hockey game and went to a local sports bar where the Mets and Yankees games were in full swing.  The Bruins game was on and the bartenders and owner, despite knowing I was a Bostonian, could not have been nicer.  Last week, I met a bunch of great people in my training classes who continue to reinforce that what I do to earn a living is helping others in and out of the office.  Finally, on my flight home last Thursday, I had a middle seat and was dreading who would be sitting next to me on the crowded flight home.  I hit the jackpot as I met 7 year old Rachel and her traveling mate Caroline and they made the flight one of the best I ever had.

Like our opening quote from the Grateful Dead song, “Truckin” – “Lately it occurs to me: What a long, strange trip it's been!”

“Our job as coaches is to love you. Your job as players is to love each other.”

(Editor’s Note – work and family vacation combined with kids’ sports the last few weeks has taken its toll on entries.  Over the next few weeks, I hope to be able to update this space at least once a week.  As always, thank you for visiting).

Every now and then, I read a book that truly, I mean truly touches my life.  The last one that did this as much as a recent read was Tuesdays with Morrie, written by Mitch Albom about 6 years ago.  Last week, on family vacation with other friends, my good friend Ron, who shares my same passion for inspiring kids when it comes to sports, kept raving about a book he was reading and said the guy it was written about reminded him of me.  He said I had to read it and when he gave it to me for the flight home, I read it cover to cover. 

I chuckled when Ron first made the comparison of Joe Ehrmann to me and after reading the book, Season of Life, written by Jeffrey Marx, I hope one day I can touch the lives of 1/100^th of the people Joe and his mission have impacted in his life and continues to this day.  You can click on Joe’s name above to be directed to his website which also has information about Season of Life.  If you are familiar with my blog, you will see how often I write about an organization called Positive Coaching Alliance and their mission to transform the culture of youth sports.  It came as no surprise when I saw an email from them last week that featured Joe Ehrmann.  They are a perfect match.

Jeffrey Marx wrote perfectly everything I have been thinking about my life and my legacy.  I love to coach and teach and thankfully, I am able to make it a career these days.  Reading how Joe took a life changing event in his early adult years to fuel a passion to make a difference reinforced for me what I hope to do in my own life with my own family and all kids I have the blessing to be able to coach.  One of the most powerful sections in the book focuses on Joe speaking at a coaching clinic and an exercise he does with all in attendance.  He asks them to draw a circle and a square on a piece of paper.  In the circle, he asks them to write down the name of a coach or two that truly had an impact on their life that they loved playing for. Then in the square, he asked them to write the name of a coach whose style they hated and vowed never to be like should they coach one day.

It’s an easy exercise for if we ever played on a sports team, we can think of people for each shape in a matter of seconds.  For me, it was Ed Keough in basketball when I was in junior high in my circle and Bobby Simboli in my square when I was playing hockey in 6^th grade; which was my last year ever playing organized youth hockey despite earning my team’s Unsung Hero Award the year before under a different coach.  Joe’s final thoughts to his group of assembled coaches were simple yet as powerful as they come.  He asked the coaches to think 20 years from now when he gives this same exercise to their players, will they be placed in the circle… or the square?

This book is not just about sports as the title reminds us.  But if you ever played a sport as a kid or are like me now with young children and actively coaching, I hope you give it a look and see that Joe’s approach is a winning one.  Thanks Joe, Jeffrey and Ron for sharing all this.  Our opening quote is from Joe Ehrmann, go figure!